Posted December 14, 2015
Merry Christmas, Atheists!
By Arelya J. Mitchell, Publisher/Editor-in-Chief
The Mid-South Tribune and the Black Information Highway
Well, it’s getting near Christmas which means the atheists will be crawling out of the woodworks to tell us how much they’re looking forward to going to hell this time of the year. And I’m all for that if they choose to do so (God would know I would be lying if I said I wasn’t, and I fully well understand the ramification of expressing such because it could get me to hell with them.). I just wish they’d gone before this time of year, so the rest of us non-atheists can make a joyful noise unto the Lord, put up a Christmas tree, have Christmas parties, wait for Santa, crack open eggnog, watch for 24-hours “A Christmas Story” or “It’s a Wonderful Life” or watch Scrooge get redemption. Yeah, yeah, I know I’m being un-Christian by wishing them well on their way to hell, but I mean they want to go, so go. One of those expressing that he would be happy to go to hell is Ron Reagan, son of the late president. I watch Ron espouse his non-belief with profound faith (in nothing). Ron loves telling us how much he’s looking forward to going to hell because he’s an atheist. I thought his commercials were quite self-serving.
Then there’s Starbucks going through hell because of red cups sans Christmassy stuff on them this year because it seems they don’t want to offend the atheists and/or non Christians, and I suppose to make it easier for sinners to enjoy coffee (as if they don’t all year anyway.). I say the hell with that! I am going to enjoy Christmas the way I have always done come hell or high water. Now I have nothing against atheists. Some of my best friends are atheists (Okay, I’m telling a little fib here—only two of them are.).
I love me some Christmas. It’s my favorite time of the year. It’s my favorite holiday and holy day. These days I am rebellious about loving Christmas just because of all the attacks against this holy day and holiday. I don’t mind being part of a defense of Christmas, even a renegade in defending Christmas by yelling out “Merry Christmas!” and fighting red cup windmills with quixotic stubbornness.
I love Christmas memories when both my parents were alive and we kids would relish in our toys (and I with my numerous dolls!), Christmas cakes, my mother’s perfect lemon icebox pie, her delicious from scratch carrot cake (We could even forgive her for that one year she made that horrible peppermint candy cane pie which tasted like melted peppermint over a year-old biscuit.).
I love Christmas! Hear ye! Hear ye! I love Christmas!
I love sending Christmas cards. I even love the commercialization of Christmas because it puts me even more in the Christmas spirit. When I’m walking through malls or other stores, or riding up on escalators, I crave to hear Christmas tunes. Yes, I love to Jingle Bell my head off and twist my hips to “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”.
I love Christmas trees— real ones which environmentalists wouldn’t approve of—and I also love artificial ones that come in colors nature didn’t provide. I love how the “Grinch Stole Christmas” but had to give it back, a lesson the atheists could learn. I love watching Barbara Stanwyck in “A Christmas in Connecticut”, and I love “Miracle on 34th Street”; I love the smell of Christmas cakes that promise to make you fat with joy and calories; I love oranges, apples, pies, cookies, spiked and un-spiked eggnog. I even love fruitcake! I love children’s laughter, I love the cheerful ho, ho, ho from Santa. I love the ringing of the Salvation Army bells, I love seeing people give gifts to those who are needy and non-needy. I love the love of Christmas!
I love me some Christmas!
I love Charlie Brown’s Christmas. I love walnuts, pecans, and nutty ugly Christmas sweaters! I love Nat King Cole singing the “Christmas Song” where he has chestnuts on an open fire. I also love Nat singing “The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot”, I love hearing Mariah Carey singing “All I Want for Christmas is You”, I love hearing B.B. King’s “Merry Christmas, Baby”, I love Elvis’ “Blue Christmas”; I love all of the Lifetime and Hallmark Channel networks’ million Christmas movies starting before Christmas. I love seeing a zillion shopping red bags with pictures of Santa and Christmas trees. I love Rudolf’s red nose!
I love Christmas office parties. I even love seeing Bruce Willis save Christmas day in “Die Hard”. I love putting on my Santa cap or my green foam cheap reindeer ears. I love my jingle bell earrings! I love your jingle bell earrings! I love ugly Christmas sweaters (Didn’t I say that earlier? Oh well!)
I love church services, Mass, re-enactments of the first Christmas, singing Christmas trees, and caroling. I love even seeing the atheists put up billboards trying in vain to stamp out Christmas, not realizing their gesture is a lost cause when it comes to fools like me who just love them some Christmas! I figure that after they put up those billboards, they should get on their knees and thank God that they have the freedom to put up billboards in the good ole U.S.A. I mean, non-atheists, we know they wouldn’t dare put up any billboards or buy air time in any place where ISIS or ISIL resides. (Oops! I guess they’re not that committed! Okay, so I’m going to get a piece of coal for that one!)
I mean I love Christmas so much that I can say to my fellow atheist human beings: “Merry Christmas!” I love it even more when I can override their “Happy Holidays” by yelling “Merry Christmas!” to the top of my Santa cap!
I love Christmas parades. I love the Macy’s Parade and the Disney Parade. I love even the equivalent of a Mayberry parade on the scale of small towns and rural towns. I love snow at Christmas. I love rain at Christmas. I love sunshine at Christmas.
I feel a warmth at seeing a manger—yes, yes, atheists, I throw at you the full throttle of the Nativity Scene.
In spite of all the mess, all the junk during the rest of the year, I still love Christmas!
Yes! I love me some Christmas!
Yes! To my atheist human being persons, I say to you and all of humankind, “Merry Christmas! And a BLESSED New Year!”
Ho! Ho! Ho!